39 Emmy Awards Jokes: The 2012 “Homeland’s Coup, Modern Family’s Dynasty & The End of the Mad Men Era” Edition

In 2012, the 64th Primetime Emmy Awards witnessed a political coup at the very top. It was the year Homeland ended the four-year tyranny of Mad Men, Modern Family proved their comedy fortress was impenetrable, and Jimmy Kimmel turned the entire night into one giant live prank.

The 2012 Emmy Red Carpet Top 10: “Yellow Gowns, Spy Gadgets & The Kimmel Prank”

1. The Homeland Coup: Why did it win Best Drama? Because Damian Lewis and Claire Danes made paranoia and moral ambiguity look sexier than drinking whiskey in Don Draper’s office.
2. The Modern Family Fort: Why did they win again? Because in 2012, the Academy decided it was safer to hand the trophy to the Dunphys than to risk the wrath of Sofia Vergara.
3. The Jimmy Kimmel Prank: Why did he tell everyone to tweet that Tracy Morgan fainted on stage? To prove that the internet will believe anything if 500 celebrities say it at the same time.
4. The Damian Lewis Shock: Why did he beat Bryan Cranston and Jon Hamm? For proving that a British accent and being a potential sleeper agent is a combination the Emmys simply cannot resist.
5. The Claire Danes “Cry Face”: Why did she win? Because nobody does a convincing nervous breakdown while solving international spy riddles better than she does.
6. The Game of Thrones Technical Dominance: Why did they win 6 trophies but no major ones? Because the Academy still thought dragons were great for special effects but not necessarily for “serious acting.”
7. The Louis C.K. Writing Win: Why did he win for writing? For proving that being a sad, balding man in New York is the most intellectual form of comedy available on FX.
8. The Julia Louis-Dreyfus Streak Starts: Why did she win for Veep? Because Selina Meyer is the only politician in America more incompetent than the ones we see on the actual news.
9. The Maggie Smith Absence: Why did she win again despite not being there? Because the Dowager Countess likely considered a flight to Los Angeles to be “terribly middle-class.”
10. The Mad Men 0-for-17: Why did a show with a record 17 nominations win zero trophies? Because after four years of dominance, the Academy decided to show Don Draper what it feels like to be “ghosted.”

The Full 2012 Emmy Jokes Archive

11. Worst Dressed (The Neon Yellow Trend): Why so many bright colors? Because the red carpet looked like it had been attacked by an army of office highlighters.
12. Outstanding Comedy: Why Modern Family? For making having three separate houses and one shared trophy look like the American dream.
13. Outstanding Drama: Why Homeland? Because in 2012, America was more afraid of moles in the CIA than running out of ice cream.
14. Outstanding Lead Actor (Comedy): Why Jon Cryer? For beating Jim Parsons and proving that being “the other guy” on Two and a Half Men finally pays off.
15. Outstanding Lead Actress (Comedy): Why Julia Louis-Dreyfus? Because Selina Meyer is the character we all want to be, but nobody wants to work for.
16. Outstanding Lead Actor (Drama): Why Damian Lewis? For being the only ginger actor who can make a Marine Corps uniform look like a superhero costume.
17. Outstanding Lead Actress (Drama): Why Claire Danes? For having the most emotional chin in the history of television.
18. The Eric Stonestreet Win: Why did Cam win a second time? Because nobody can make a scene out of nothing better than he can (except maybe the drama nominees).
19. The Julie Bowen Repeat: Why did she win again? Because Claire Dunphy is the spirit animal of every woman managing a household full of idiots.
20. The Aaron Paul Win: Why did Jesse Pinkman get a second Emmy? For making the word “Magnet!” a legitimate scientific breakthrough.
21. The Giancarlo Esposito Snub: Why didn’t Gus Fring win? Because the Academy felt that voting for Aaron Paul was safer than giving an award to a man who can kill you with a letter opener.
22. The Sherlock Buzz: Why were Benedict Cumberbatch and Martin Freeman the talk of the town? Because the British invasion was in full swing and nobody was stopping it.
23. The Daily Show’s 10th Win: Why does Jon Stewart have a permanent subscription to this award? Because 2012 politics wrote itself, and he just read it from a teleprompter.
24. The Amazing Race’s 9th Win: Why? Because watching people argue over a map in a foreign country is the only thing that unites all Americans.
25. The Girls Debut: Why was Lena Dunham everywhere? For making being a 20-something in Brooklyn with no plan a matter of national debate.
26. The Parks and Recreation Snub (Again): Why didn’t Amy Poehler win? Because Leslie Knope would have spent the whole night organizing a thank-you committee instead of drinking for free.
27. The Breaking Bad Tension: Why was everyone waiting for Season 5? Because Walter White stopped being a teacher and started being a God of Evil, which really impresses Emmy voters.
28. The 30-Second Rule: Why was the orchestra so fast? Because Jimmy Kimmel promised that if the show ran long, Tracy Morgan would actually faint.
29. The Downton Abbey Hype: Why the jokes? For being the only show where the biggest scandal is using the wrong fork for the fish course.
30. The Game of Thrones Dragons: Why the mentions? Because in 2012, Daenerys’s dragons were still small, cute, and weren’t burning down entire cities (or HBO’s budget) yet.
31. The Game Change Sweep: Why did the Sarah Palin movie win 5 awards? Because Julianne Moore acted so well that the real Sarah Palin probably tried to put the win on her own resume.
32. The Louis C.K. Moment: Why did he win for directing and writing? Because making a show for $200 and a ham sandwich is the peak of Hollywood efficiency.
33. The South Park “Sarcastaball”: Why was it a hit? For parodying football safety concerns so well that the NFL almost actually implemented those rules.
34. The American Horror Story: Murder House: Why did Jessica Lange win? For proving that being a terrifying neighbor is the best way to make a comeback.
35. The New Girl Mention: Why was Zooey Deschanel nominated? For turning “adorkable” into an official adjective that nobody can say without flinching.
36. The Boardwalk Empire Visuals: Why the technical awards again? Because nobody can recreate the 1920s as expensively as Martin Scorsese.
37. The Kevin Costner Win: Why for Hatfields & McCoys? Because if a film legend goes back to TV to shoot people in the woods, the Emmys have to give him something.
38. The Hatfields vs. Downton Abbey: Why the jokes? Because it was a battle between people with no shoes and people who have special shoes just for walking on their other shoes.
39. The Tom Bergeron Win: Why did he break Jeff Probst’s streak? Because in 2012, Dancing with the Stars was apparently more important than surviving on a desert island.