36 Emmy Awards Jokes: The 2009 “Modern Family’s Arrival, Mad Men’s Dynasty & The Conan vs. Jay Shadow” Edition

In 2009, the 61st Primetime Emmy Awards felt like a bridge between the old guard of sitcoms and the new “mockumentary” era. It was the year Mad Men proved its first win wasn’t a fluke, 30 Rock continued to sweep the comedy categories, and a little show about a diverse family from California (Modern Family) premiered just in time to signal that the suburban sitcom was far from dead—it just needed more cameras.

The 2009 Emmy Red Carpet Top 10: “Statement Necklaces, Twitter Fever & Late Night Tensions”

1. The Mad Men Repeat: Why did it win Best Drama again? Because the Academy decided that Don Draper’s brooding and cigarette smoke were more artistically significant than anything else on air.
2. The 30 Rock Hat-Trick: Why did it win its third straight Best Comedy? Because Tina Fey’s “Liz Lemon” was officially the patron saint of every person watching the show while eating a block of cheese.
3. The Bryan Cranston Streak: Why did he win Best Actor for the second year? For proving that Walter White’s transformation from a chemistry teacher to a kingpin is the most addictive thing AMC has ever “cooked.”
4. The Modern Family Buzz: Why was everyone talking about it? Because it had just premiered and was already making every other sitcom on the ballot look like it was filmed in the 1950s.
5. The Neil Patrick Harris Hosting: Why was it a hit? For a musical opening that reminded everyone that “putting on a show” is the only thing Hollywood loves more than giving itself awards.
6. The Michael Emerson Win: Why did Ben Linus finally get an Emmy? For proving that being the creepiest man on a mysterious island (Lost) is a very stable career path.
7. The Toni Collette Surprise: Why did she win for United States of Tara? For playing four different people in one body and making every other actress in the room feel like they weren’t trying hard enough.
8. The Daily Show’s Decade of Destruction: Why did Jon Stewart win (again)? Because in 2009, real news was getting so weird that people needed a professional comedian to tell them what was actually happening.
9. The Glee Teaser: Why the whispers? Because the “musical theater” kids were about to take over television, and everyone was bracing for the inevitable autotune explosion.
10. The Conan vs. Jay Shadow: Why the tension? Because Conan O’Brien was hosting The Tonight Show, Jay Leno was at 10 PM, and the awkwardness in the room was thick enough to cut with a trophy.

The Full 2009 Emmy Jokes Archive

11. Worst Dressed (The 2009 Tulle Crisis): Why so much netting? Because the red carpet looked like a high-speed collision between a bridal shop and a fishing boat.
12. Outstanding Comedy: Why 30 Rock? For making us all believe that “I want to go to there” is a grammatically correct sentence.
13. Outstanding Drama: Why Mad Men? For proving that 1963 was a great year for tailoring and a terrible year for health.
14. Outstanding Lead Actor (Comedy): Why Alec Baldwin? For Jack Donaghy, the only man who can make corporate synergy sound like a spiritual experience.
15. Outstanding Lead Actress (Comedy): Why Toni Collette? For proving that you don’t need a supporting cast if you can just play all the characters yourself.
16. Outstanding Lead Actor (Drama): Why Bryan Cranston? Because he’s the only man who can make a beige windbreaker look menacing.
17. Outstanding Lead Actress (Drama): Why Glenn Close? For her second win as Patty Hewes, the woman who makes “legal advice” sound like a death threat.
18. The Jon Cryer Upset: Why did he win Supporting Actor for Two and a Half Men? Because after six years of playing a “loser,” the Academy decided he’d suffered enough.
19. The Kristin Chenoweth Win: Why did she win for Pushing Daisies? For proving that being 4’11” and singing like an angel is the ultimate Emmy superpower.
20. The Cherry Jones Win: Why did she win for 24? For being the first female President in Jack Bauer’s world who didn’t end up in prison or exploded (yet).
21. The Michael Emerson Speech: Why the applause? Because even in real life, he’s so polite that you almost forget his character killed half the people on Lost.
22. The Breaking Bad “Sidekick” Snub: Why didn’t Aaron Paul win yet? Because the Academy wasn’t quite ready for “Yo, Bitch!” to be part of an acceptance speech.
23. The Family Guy “Best Comedy” Nomination: Why was it historic? For being the first animated show nominated for the big prize since The Flintstones in 1961.
24. The Jim Parsons Buzz: Why was “The Big Bang Theory” star a target? For a performance that made being a “nerd” the most profitable thing on CBS.
25. The Amazing Race’s 7th Win: Why? Because watching Americans lose their passports in Mongolia is apparently a gift that keeps on giving.
26. The South Park “Margaritaville”: Why did it win? For explaining the 2008 financial crisis using a headless chicken and a roulette wheel better than any economist.
27. The Grey’s Anatomy “Heigl-gate”: Why the jokes? For the year Katherine Heigl officially withdrew herself because she didn’t like the writing—making the writers’ table the most awkward place in Hollywood.
28. The 30-Second Rule: Why the “Wrap It Up” music? Because Neil Patrick Harris had a whole closing number planned and he wasn’t going to let a Supporting Actor’s “thank you” list stop him.
29. The True Blood Popularity: Why the jokes about vampires? For proving that “V-juice” and Southern accents are the keys to a cult following on HBO.
30. The Parks and Recreation Debut: Why the skepticism? Because people thought it was just a “spin-off” of The Office until they realized Ron Swanson was a national treasure.
31. The Simon Cowell Departure: Why the rumors? Because without Simon, the Emmys realized American Idol might actually have to focus on the singing.
32. The Jon & Kate Plus 8 Mention: Why the mockery? For the reality TV scandal that made everyone glad they only had zero to two children.
33. The Dr. Horrible’s Cameo: Why? Because the internet-only musical proved that you can win an Emmy without ever being on a “real” TV channel.
34. The Twitter Live-Tweeting: Why the annoyance? For the first year actors spent the whole ceremony looking at their phones instead of the stage.
35. The Jeff Probst Repeat: Why did he win for hosting again? For maintaining a straight face while telling people their “fire is gone.”
36. The 2009 Final Emmy Vibe: Why was it a landmark? Because it was the year the “Old School” network TV finally realized that “The New School” of cable and mockumentaries was no longer just a trend—it was the boss.