33 Miscellaneous Jokes: The 2017 “Switch & Speculation” Edition

In 2017, reality felt like it was moving at the speed of a fiber-optic cable. It was the year we watched a digital coin’s value go to the moon, saw the most awkward mix-up in Oscar history, and realized that a piece of plastic with a ball bearing (the Fidget Spinner) was the only way to handle our collective anxiety. We were busy singing “Despacito” (even if we didn’t know the lyrics) and wondering if we should sell our house to buy Bitcoin. It was a year of high stakes, high tech, and the realization that the “Upside Down” was starting to feel a lot like our daily news feed.

The 2017 Top 10: The “Nintendo & Crypto” Classics

1. The Nintendo Switch Launch: Why was everyone playing games on the toilet? Because Nintendo finally gave us a console that could transform from a TV powerhouse to a handheld device, proving that we never actually wanted to stop playing Zelda, no matter where we were.
2. The Bitcoin Bull Run: Why was your cousin suddenly a financial advisor? Because in 2017, Bitcoin went from $1,000 to nearly $20,000, and everyone who ever owned a computer suddenly claimed they “always knew” it was the future of money.
3. The Fidget Spinner Craze: Why was every kid’s hand vibrating? Because 2017 decided that a three-pronged piece of plastic was the peak of toy technology, turning every classroom in America into a low-frequency hum zone.
4. The Moonlight/La La Land Oscar Mix-up: Why was there a different name in the envelope? Because for two glorious minutes, we lived in a universe where La La Land won Best Picture, before reality (and a very confused producer) stepped in to tell us it was actually Moonlight.
5. The “Despacito” Dominance: Why was this song playing in every store, car, and elevator? Because Luis Fonsi and Daddy Yankee created a beat so powerful it became the most viewed YouTube video in history, making “slowly” the fastest way to global fame.
6. The Launch of Fortnite Battle Royale: Why did everyone start dancing? Because Epic Games added a free-to-play mode that turned 100 strangers on a bus into a global phenomenon of building ramps and doing the “Floss.”
7. The Total Solar Eclipse (USA): Why was everyone wearing cardboard glasses? Because the sun and moon did a crossover episode, and for a few minutes, we all stopped tweeting to look at the sky and realize how small we actually are.
8. The Launch of the iPhone X: Why did the “Home” button die? Because Apple decided that $999 was the fair price for a phone that unlocks by looking at your face and turns you into a talking animoji poop.
9. The “Salt Bae” Meme: Why was he seasoning the meat like that? Because a Turkish chef with a white t-shirt and a dramatic wrist flick taught us that even the most basic task can be a work of art if you have enough swagger.
10. The Launch of “HQ Trivia”: Why was everyone on their phone at 9 PM? Because Scott Rogowsky convinced millions of us that we could win $12.50 by answering 12 questions correctly, right before the app inevitably crashed.

The Full 2017 Miscellaneous Jokes Archive

11. Get Out Premiere: Why were we afraid of teacups? Because Jordan Peele showed us that a sinking feeling in your stomach is much scarier than a jump scare and that “The Sunken Place” is where productivity goes to die.
12. The Launch of Tesla Model 3 (First Deliveries): Why was the line so long? Because Elon Musk finally gave us the “affordable” electric car, and we all realized that a car interior should just be a steering wheel and a giant iPad.
13. Wonder Woman: Why was the Lasso of Truth so bright? Because Gal Gadot and Patty Jenkins proved that a female-led superhero movie could be the biggest, most inspiring hit of the summer.
14. The “Distracted Boyfriend” Meme: Why was he looking back? Because one stock photo captured the entire human experience of wanting something new while already having something perfectly fine.
15. The Launch of Star Wars Battlefront II (The Loot Box Scandal): Why was the internet so mad? Because EA tried to charge us extra for “a sense of pride and accomplishment,” leading to the most downvoted comment in Reddit history.
16. IT (Chapter One): Why were we all looking in the sewers? Because Bill Skarsgård’s Pennywise made us all afraid of red balloons and reminded us that clowns are never, ever okay.
17. The Launch of Google Lens: Why was the phone identifying my cat? Because Google gave us “eyes” for our search engine, allowing us to find out exactly what kind of flower we were about to accidentally kill.
18. Logan: Why was Wolverine so tired? Because Hugh Jackman gave us a gritty, R-rated farewell that proved superhero movies could be heartbreaking westerns.
19. The Launch of “Stories” on Everything: Why did my calculator have a “Story”? Because in 2017, every app—from Instagram to Skype to YouTube—decided that we needed a way to post 24-hour disappearing updates of our lunch.
20. Coco (Pixar): Why were we crying about a guitar? Because Pixar took us to the Land of the Dead and taught us that “Remember Me” is the most effective way to dehydrate an entire audience.
21. The Launch of the SpaceX Falcon 9 (Record Year): Why were the rockets landing themselves? Because 2017 was the year SpaceX made vertical landings look like a routine Tuesday, making old-school “disposable” rockets look like garbage.
22. The “Mocking Spongebob” Meme: Why WaS EvErYoNe TyPiNg LiKe ThIs? Because a 20-year-old cartoon sponge became the ultimate way to repeat someone’s stupid opinion back to them.
23. Stranger Things 2: Why was there a giant shadow monster? Because Netflix brought us back to Hawkins, gave us “Dad Steve,” and reminded us that the 80s were a very stressful time for kids with telekinesis.
24. The Launch of the “Boring Company”: Why was Elon Musk selling flamethrowers? Because 2017 was the year he decided that digging tunnels wasn’t enough—he also needed to provide us with the ultimate tool for a zombie apocalypse.
25. The Handmaid’s Tale Debut: Why were the red robes so iconic? Because Hulu gave us a dystopian vision that felt a little too close for comfort, making “Under His Eye” the catchphrase of the year.
26. The Launch of “FaceApp”: Why did everyone look 80 years old? Because we all gave a Russian app access to our faces just to see what we’d look like in 40 years (spoiler: tired).
27. Spider-Man: Homecoming: Why was he so young? Because Tom Holland finally brought Peter Parker home to the MCU, proving that a superhero movie is much better when it’s also a John Hughes high school comedy.
28. The Launch of “PUBG”: Why were we looking for a frying pan? Because 100 people on an island competing for a “Winner Winner Chicken Dinner” became the most intense way to spend a Saturday night.
29. The “Roll Safe” Meme: Why was he pointing at his head? Because 2017 taught us that you can’t be broke if you don’t check your bank account.
30. Blade Runner 2049: Why was it so quiet and orange? Because Denis Villeneuve showed us that a 35-year-wait for a sequel is worth it if you have Ryan Gosling staring into the rain for three hours.
31. The Launch of “Mastodon”: Why was there a woolly mammoth? Because people started looking for a decentralized Twitter, unaware that 140 characters (now 280) was a hard addiction to break.
32. The “Pennywise Dancing” Meme: Why was he grooving? Because the internet realized that if you put any pop song over a terrifying clown, it becomes a hilarious music video.
33. New Year’s Eve 2017: Why were we so ready for 2018? Because we were holding our Switches, checking our Bitcoin wallets, and hoping that “Despacito” would finally stop playing at the stroke of midnight.